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Conscious Discipline®

If your children are acting spoiled, the root cause may surprise you!

When a child is acting self-centered and materialistic, it can be a sign that the child feels deprived in some area. This feeling of deprivation is always about intangible things such as a feeling of:

???? Lack of love
???? Lack of attention
???? Lack of value or worth

Reflect for a moment and decide which of these discipline factors can use some conscious tweaking in your home:

???? Nurture
???? Structure
???? Empathy

Here are some suggestions to problem-solve and heal:

???? Nurture
Give your child more focused attention and more family togetherness time. You can help by shifting to family activities that don’t involve material things. Bake cookies to take to the fire department, give each other coupons for time spent together, back scratches, table setting. Five minutes of focused play can reduce power struggles by 50%!

???? Structure
Give your child clear limits with clear consequences. Additionally, outline expectations prior to situations when possible. Children need to know that people mean what they say and say what they mean. Lovingly set, teach and reinforce boundaries and limits.

???? Empathy
Start to teach your child about empathy by helping her identify others’ emotions. When something occurs, help her focus on the other person’s face and name the emotion. Use phrasing like, “See her face? Her face says, ‘Pinching hurts. I want you to ask for a turn.’” “See her face? Her face says, ‘I want you to play with me.’”

Next, begin to notice helpful and kind behaviors. Use the phrase, “You _______ so ________. That was helpful (kind, thoughtful, etc.).” “You set the table so we would be ready to eat. That was helpful.” Noticing in this way tells children that their behavior makes a difference to the family and it is not attached to extrinsic rewards.

This week’s Conscious Commitment:

I am willing to see self-centered and materialistic behaviors as a cry for love, attention, value or self-worth. I am willing to reflect on which areas of discipline (???? Nurture ???? Structure ???? Empathy) can be strengthened in my home. I am willing to strengthen those areas and reconnect with my children.

To Commit, COMMENT:

As always, we wish you well!
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